(The story begins here with Issue #1: Spells of Sugar. Meet our heroes as they outwit an ingenious death trap! – Ed.)
Part 1:
On the Josephine Hatcher-Hyung scale of intense stickiness?
This rated a serious nine-point-five.
Much stickier than the Cherry Bomb sauce at Sammy Gray’s Korean BBQ.
Way more sticky than organic Vermont maple syrup.
The only thing worse, maybe?
Saltwater taffy tangled and mushed in a fresh ponytail.
Of course, given the moment … candied hair seemed unavoidable.
Muddy goo flowed around us and glinted off smooth, shiny, impossible-to-climb walls.
Dale’s mane flecked with dark and light browns.
“Dale! You’re not eating this stuff, are you?”
“Ummm, no?” His tongue snuck back into his mouth. “Not really.”
This rated a serious nine-point-five.
Much stickier than the Cherry Bomb sauce at Sammy Gray’s Korean BBQ.
Way more sticky than organic Vermont maple syrup.
The only thing worse, maybe?
Saltwater taffy tangled and mushed in a fresh ponytail.
Of course, given the moment … candied hair seemed unavoidable.
Muddy goo flowed around us and glinted off smooth, shiny, impossible-to-climb walls.
Dale’s mane flecked with dark and light browns.
“Dale! You’re not eating this stuff, are you?”
“Ummm, no?” His tongue snuck back into his mouth. “Not really.”
We stood at the bottom of a circular vat embedded in the ground.
On opposite sides, just above the floor, were two openings the size of manhole covers.
Out of one gushed chocolate; the other splashed caramel.
The syrups oozed between Dale’s toes and soon dribbled in my boots.
Both of us stood dumbfounded as the rising pool made steady progress up our legs.
We were going to drown to death.
I would meet my maker as a hapless, bungling fudge log.
On opposite sides, just above the floor, were two openings the size of manhole covers.
Out of one gushed chocolate; the other splashed caramel.
The syrups oozed between Dale’s toes and soon dribbled in my boots.
Both of us stood dumbfounded as the rising pool made steady progress up our legs.
We were going to drown to death.
I would meet my maker as a hapless, bungling fudge log.
Still, compared to what awaited me?
This really wasn’t so bad.
All I wanted in life?
To study weather.
Meteorology.
Climatology.
I'd even be a storm chaser!
Anything.
Just weather.
This really wasn’t so bad.
All I wanted in life?
To study weather.
Meteorology.
Climatology.
I'd even be a storm chaser!
Anything.
Just weather.
But my parents?
They expected me to go to school for finance, just like my brother, and work at the family business.
Hyung’s Carpets.
FOREVER.
They expected me to go to school for finance, just like my brother, and work at the family business.
Hyung’s Carpets.
FOREVER.
A fate worse than death? Possibly.
I'd soon have a basis for comparison.
We were stuck in this candy dimension – in this trap – with no help or backup on the way.
Dale couldn’t blink us out. He hadn’t recharged yet.
And me?
I'd soon have a basis for comparison.
We were stuck in this candy dimension – in this trap – with no help or backup on the way.
Dale couldn’t blink us out. He hadn’t recharged yet.
And me?
All I’d been trying to do was find my neighbor’s lost dog.
This was completely bogus.
What a way to die.
I guess no good deed goes unswamped ... by a stupid, gooey flood of chocolate and caramel.
This was completely bogus.
What a way to die.
I guess no good deed goes unswamped ... by a stupid, gooey flood of chocolate and caramel.
Part 2:
“Do you think maybe ... we could float?” Dale asked.
“What?"
“You know, just float up and get out as it rises?”
“I don't know. Give it a try.”
“BLOOP!” splashed the syrups as he pulled into a ball and sank beneath the surface.
Rising and shaking his head, his wet face hid embarrassment.
“What?"
“You know, just float up and get out as it rises?”
“I don't know. Give it a try.”
“BLOOP!” splashed the syrups as he pulled into a ball and sank beneath the surface.
Rising and shaking his head, his wet face hid embarrassment.
I ran a hand through his mane to slick the drizzle from his eyes.
Bolder action would be needed.
Ideas were judged and discarded in rapid order. Our deadly dessert-bath kept rising higher and higher.
“Um, Josephine … what are we gonna do?”
“OK, we need a plan” I said, eyeing the top of the vat. “Hmm. Maybe you could jump for it? Doesn't look impossible."
Bolder action would be needed.
Ideas were judged and discarded in rapid order. Our deadly dessert-bath kept rising higher and higher.
“Um, Josephine … what are we gonna do?”
“OK, we need a plan” I said, eyeing the top of the vat. “Hmm. Maybe you could jump for it? Doesn't look impossible."
“I'll never reach that."
“Not on your own. But what if I gave you a boost? If you got on my shoulders … you might have a chance.”
Right away I scooped him up.
No easy move.
He’s kinda big.
Not as big as a real lion, of course. More like a large Chow.
Or a super-sized Weiner dog with big bones?
He started getting into position on my back.
Now sure, I'm pretty fit. A guard on the JV basketball team (also marching band drum captain). But I'm no Breanna Stewart.
My legs buckled for balance.
Dale's matted chest pressed the back of my head.
I held my hands high, palms up, a paw in each.
“You ready?"
In a blur of syrup and fur, he sailed skyward.
Headed for freedom.
Graceful and beautiful and amazing.
“Not on your own. But what if I gave you a boost? If you got on my shoulders … you might have a chance.”
Right away I scooped him up.
No easy move.
He’s kinda big.
Not as big as a real lion, of course. More like a large Chow.
Or a super-sized Weiner dog with big bones?
He started getting into position on my back.
Now sure, I'm pretty fit. A guard on the JV basketball team (also marching band drum captain). But I'm no Breanna Stewart.
My legs buckled for balance.
Dale's matted chest pressed the back of my head.
I held my hands high, palms up, a paw in each.
“You ready?"
In a blur of syrup and fur, he sailed skyward.
Headed for freedom.
Graceful and beautiful and amazing.
Front legs easily cleared the rim, but his back end slumped and smashed the wall.
Failure!
Dale rebounded in a spiral, twisting upside-down as he splashed into my arms.
“I didn’t – AAHPP! – didn’t make it.”
“Almost.”
“I’ll get it. Help me back up.”
My elbows now felt the tickle of the tide. Dale’s sopping body dripped into my eyes.
I was barely ready when – like a fearless fighter jet – he zoomed off again.
Up through the air.
Toward the vat’s hard edge.
Failure!
Dale rebounded in a spiral, twisting upside-down as he splashed into my arms.
“I didn’t – AAHPP! – didn’t make it.”
“Almost.”
“I’ll get it. Help me back up.”
My elbows now felt the tickle of the tide. Dale’s sopping body dripped into my eyes.
I was barely ready when – like a fearless fighter jet – he zoomed off again.
Up through the air.
Toward the vat’s hard edge.
Once more he crashed, but this time … this time he caught himself, draping his front half atop the rim.
Squirming with great care, my companion slipped up, over and out of sight.
Dale was safe!
That was all that mattered.
Dale was safe.
His face quickly popped into view.
Squirming with great care, my companion slipped up, over and out of sight.
Dale was safe!
That was all that mattered.
Dale was safe.
His face quickly popped into view.
“Hang tight. I gotcha.”
“Really? What’ve you got?”
Golden eyes peered silently into mine.
What could he do?
There was nothing.
And right at that moment … I knew I was probably gonna die.
“Really? What’ve you got?”
Golden eyes peered silently into mine.
What could he do?
There was nothing.
And right at that moment … I knew I was probably gonna die.
Part 3:
I kept thrashing in the vat of rising chocolate and swirling caramel.
The creams advancing on my ears!
Tickling and buzzing like wet mosquitoes.
Death was coming for me.
Coming closer with every fresh gurgle of syrup.
I imagined the grim reaper nearby, standing at attention until the final moment.
A boat slinking forward to ferry me to the underworld.
The river Styx now a brown, creamy tributary of pain.
I didn't want to go on that trip.
I didn't want to be dead.
The creams advancing on my ears!
Tickling and buzzing like wet mosquitoes.
Death was coming for me.
Coming closer with every fresh gurgle of syrup.
I imagined the grim reaper nearby, standing at attention until the final moment.
A boat slinking forward to ferry me to the underworld.
The river Styx now a brown, creamy tributary of pain.
I didn't want to go on that trip.
I didn't want to be dead.
Dale stared down at me, helpless and searching.
The distance between us remained painfully short yet excruciatingly far.
“We just need a little extra reach. Some way to pull you up.”
“I know! We need rope.”
“Uh, well … your belt! What about your belt? Josephine, toss it to me. Toss it!"
I unbuckled and threw it as fast as I could.
Dale took the belt in his mouth and lowered it down to me.
Stretching his whole head over the side to make it reach.
The distance between us remained painfully short yet excruciatingly far.
“We just need a little extra reach. Some way to pull you up.”
“I know! We need rope.”
“Uh, well … your belt! What about your belt? Josephine, toss it to me. Toss it!"
I unbuckled and threw it as fast as I could.
Dale took the belt in his mouth and lowered it down to me.
Stretching his whole head over the side to make it reach.
“You’ll never hold my weight.”
“GRRRRR!” came a response through clenched teeth.
I bent my knees and jumped like my life depended on it. Sticky fingers scrambled for grip.
The line went taut and I hung, dangling, still partially in syrup.
My future now rested on a fake leather strap with a busted buckle.
One hand over another I strained upward, my knees tip-toeing the side for balance.
“EEE-AAH!” I heard from above. “NNNMM!”
I stole a look up and saw fierce scowls of determination, a battle playing out all over his face.
“GRRRRR!” came a response through clenched teeth.
I bent my knees and jumped like my life depended on it. Sticky fingers scrambled for grip.
The line went taut and I hung, dangling, still partially in syrup.
My future now rested on a fake leather strap with a busted buckle.
One hand over another I strained upward, my knees tip-toeing the side for balance.
“EEE-AAH!” I heard from above. “NNNMM!”
I stole a look up and saw fierce scowls of determination, a battle playing out all over his face.
My own face? Much less confident. Progress came in small amounts.
I went up with the speed of a puzzled elevator. Odds seemed slim I’d make it to the top.
The line shuddered and I bounced awkwardly into the wall.
Dale’s growls became desperate.
“One more second!” I called. “Just hold on!”
I kicked hard, pushed off the side and flung myself to the right.
A swashbuckling lunge put me on a do-or-die course toward the rim.
GRUNT!
I hung there, shocked and splattered, thankful that (at least for once) my reach had not exceeded my grasp.
I went up with the speed of a puzzled elevator. Odds seemed slim I’d make it to the top.
The line shuddered and I bounced awkwardly into the wall.
Dale’s growls became desperate.
“One more second!” I called. “Just hold on!”
I kicked hard, pushed off the side and flung myself to the right.
A swashbuckling lunge put me on a do-or-die course toward the rim.
GRUNT!
I hung there, shocked and splattered, thankful that (at least for once) my reach had not exceeded my grasp.
Hoisting myself higher, a delicate wind soon kissed my face.
I threw my weight onto my palms, propelled over the rim, and flopped out of the candy chasm.
A giant exhale billowed from Dale as he spit out the belt.
“You good?” I asked.
“Oll ee allight,” drooled the words, his breathing hard. “Ut ivv nee a necond.”
It was not lost on me that a mouthful of healthy teeth had just saved me from certain candy death.
Almost poetic, really.
I silently promised to forever take flossing much more seriously.
I threw my weight onto my palms, propelled over the rim, and flopped out of the candy chasm.
A giant exhale billowed from Dale as he spit out the belt.
“You good?” I asked.
“Oll ee allight,” drooled the words, his breathing hard. “Ut ivv nee a necond.”
It was not lost on me that a mouthful of healthy teeth had just saved me from certain candy death.
Almost poetic, really.
I silently promised to forever take flossing much more seriously.
(And with that, Issue #1 concludes! Hope you liked it. Go to main menu and scroll down to Issue #2: Sweet Nothings to continue the tale. – Ed.)